Many have a hard time evolving after divorce. It is going to happen no matter what. Your "family structure" is going to change. It is up to YOU to consciously decide if you are going to make your "change" positive or not.
DivorceForce had the opportunity to speak to transitional life strategist Randi Levin on this very topic. We think you will find her advice encouraging and inspiring. The interview follows …
DF: In your chapter in the book "Get Results" your write, "Change is a choice." For many, accepting and embracing change is very challenging, yet it is a required step and mental attitude required for people moving forward after divorce. If a person in the midst of a divorce feels like they cannot get themselves out of a rut and move forward, how do you recommend that they get to the right choice to change?
Randi Levin: First of all, there is no "one right" choice involved in change. Change is not a one-and-done event nor is it always successful. Instead, the best way to embrace change is in a series of steps. It is a process of doing things differently. A kind of trial and error that shifts our mindset and begins with a few small tweaks that evolves into a larger footprint of growth. Often, we remain stuck until we become angry enough, or fed up with tolerating our situation, and we are forced to make a decision to do something about it. Blocked by fear and paralyzed by what is "happening to us" we tend to overlook the energy of possibility. I support my private clients in being able to turn up their internal volume. By that I mean, that when we look inward and connect back to ourselves we become much more in tune with what our lives are actually saying to us. When we embrace experimenting with who we are now—today-- we begin to embrace a pivot, and with it the door to "what is next" unlocks. Think in terms of what can you do? Then do it!
DF: At DivorceForce, we encounter many people that are at a real personal low due to the overwhelming amount of stress brought on by navigating divorce. Sure they want to feel better, but so often just find it impossible to kick into gear. What do you recommend to get these individuals on the road to happiness?
Randi Levin: Just as there is no one right choice involving change, there is also not one right road to happiness—there is always more than one way to move toward a goal; more than one way to accomplish something! It starts with a pause. In that pause, the best course of action is inaction. When we power down, we begin to hone in. Often, what we need most when we are stressed or overwhelmed is the ability to separate from our lives so that we can take a look back in at them. Coincidently, that is one of the main reasons why clients hire me! The best way to pause is to begin to beta test. Spend time ALONE and get to know yourself again! What did you love to do before your marriage that you have not done in years? What have you always wanted to try but your spouse said no? Where can you power down the tech and the "noise" and allow for a daydream? Reconnecting to YOU in real time is significant because you are not the same person that you were when you got married years and years ago.
DF: The hallmark of your approach and practice is your GPS model. Please explain the GPS methodology.
Randi Levin: GPS is an acronym that defines my signature coaching system. I love to travel and I believe that it is the adventure that makes the trip itself worthwhile. Getting lost is optional, but I recommend it. Sometimes we need to get lost in order to find our way and to do the work necessary to change. If you went out to your car and programed into your cars GPS system "I don't know," where would your car take you? My GPS system is a private toolkit to design your life on your own terms. It is your personal GPS. The G stands for growth. Personal growth should be measured and defined less by long-term goals and more by the success encountered along the way. When we focus too much on tomorrow, we short change today. Since life is a journey, we are never done…there is always a next, always growth. The P stands for purpose and being able to prioritize and plan a pivot. To pivot with purpose, and for change to occur, we need to play a starring role in our own lives, not just a supporting role in our story. This is where pausing and playing with possibilities comes to life. The S stands for success steps. It involves all the solutions and shifts that occur once the G and the P are in place. We hold the keys to our own solutions and we blaze a new trail one road at a time, with each new turn cause for celebration and recognition. Buried underneath our fears and excused lies our ability to accept, to change, and to connect to our most transparent selves. This is at the core not only of reinvention but at the heart of my GPS system.
DF: You profess to be a reinvention expert. Does someone need to consciously reinvent himself or herself post divorce or is this an evolution that just naturally happens?
Randi Levin: : Reinvention often begins on an unconscious level. Weight loss, gym memberships, hobbies, job shifts, new relationships lead us all into personal discovery. Sometimes the internal changes happen first. We begin cleaning out, we may feel that we don't manage time properly and want to do something about that. People miss a lot of those shifts because they often just happen as a natural part of the divorce process. Yet, every change whether a housing move, using a gym, going back to work, cleaning out, or even more time alone, creates possibility. What we do with that possibility is another thing. In order for reinvention to happen in a meaningful, long lasting and impactful way, we need to be working on it always. What seems like reinvention right after divorce may no longer hold meaning two years later. Reinvention is seeped in changing our thoughts so that we can change our actions. It takes work, and since we are all a work-in-progress, it is a mindfulness that we need to make a part of our ongoing evolution.
DF: What does successful post-divorce reinvention look like as an outcome?
Randi Levin: Everyone's definition of success is different. Everyone's reinvention is personal to him or her. I think that the most important question is "Are you being honest about what you want out of life, true to this new you?" We manifest so much. If we are negative about this new life we now have, we will attract more pain and negativity into our lives. If we are energetic and welcoming in regard to our lives now, we will manifest more positivity into our lives and with it an enriched experience. It is my belief that legacy is not something that we leave behind. It is something that we work on and carve out each and every day. When we think in terms of legacy, we press the refresh button in our lives with greater happiness because we are embracing them as they unfold. This keeps us living more in the moment and creating and savoring the experiences and opportunities that are there for us. What's next?
Randi Levin CPC, founder & CEO, Randi Levin Coaching-- is a certified transitional life strategist, author, inspirational speaker, and reinvention expert. Randi utilizes her Signature GPS Coaching System as a catalyst for her clients to clarify and refresh their journeys, giving them support and permission to pivot, to change, and to ask, "What's next?" Randi, who is a child of divorce herself, is a member of The Divorce Support Professionals, a contributor and featured expert for Huffington Post, and a contributing author in the new book Get RESULTS! (amazon.com/author/randilevincoaching) –- In which she speaks from the heart regarding her own mid-life reinvention.
Randi can be reached at: